so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it's like iHOP with fire
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
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I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
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There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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