I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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