The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
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Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
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Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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