Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
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He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
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Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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