and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
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I understand Curling. That high.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
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Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I see more hoeing in ur future
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