wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
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Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
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We're using joints as your birthday candles
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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