just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
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She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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