I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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