but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
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He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize