i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
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