I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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