I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
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