If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize