Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
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Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
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I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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