She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
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I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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