Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
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There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
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dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize