i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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