3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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