I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
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I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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