i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize