We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize