You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
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Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
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I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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