He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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