My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize