Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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