So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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