So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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