you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
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Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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