Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
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I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
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Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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