Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize