Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize