Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
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Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
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Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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