Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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