So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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