Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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