i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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