god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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