Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
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He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
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I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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