you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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