Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize