i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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