I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize