hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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