I hope mine doesn't look like that
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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