dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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