Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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