I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
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