She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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