My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
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One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
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I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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