Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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